Snow angels

With all of the heavy awful news, I thought I’d give you something light and funny. I got a lot of jokes in this past day.

It had a really pretty snow this morning. I was talking to my roommate and remarked that I was definitely not going out to make a snow angel. I was thinking of the song “Alienation” by Morning Parade.

The song alienation was it’s own paradox. Is is one of my favorite songs. It’s title “Alienation” reflected my feeling at the time of being alienated. I promised something lite thought so enough of that.

So make angels in the snow, love a little more
Live with no regrets, for everything you do
Because although the lights are on, there is no one home
And everything you are, everything you were
Everything you’ve been’s not everything you’ll be
We’re really all the stars that bust in the universe
Of our alienation

What do you call two twins who live together.

Wombmates ba dum dum

I’ve got lots of stage and pen names. Here’s the (very long) abbreviated list
B.S. – rapper
Bill D. – vocal artist
W. Wayne B. – poet
smilingy – deviantart
Smiling Y – purported business that has made virtually no money… ever…

A logo I commissioned for Smiling Y

BWS/WBS – artist (They have two different themes; can’t remember what)
sesquized – email – a domain that is supposed to be private… I give it to all of the potentially annoying business, charities and politicians.
Bill W. – anonymous. don’t tell any one. hear hear
I’ve got a Korg Poly 800 ii keyboard. Haven’t got a name for him
… I’ve run out of ideas (a couple times over)

Lite only can go so long. Have a great St. Patrick’s Day. I’m speaking at Anthony Wayne Toastmasters at Ivy Tech on Coliseum in Fort Wayne. We start at 6:30. Another stage name that week too: ‘Bill O’Smith’ (I didn’t make that one up, blame Berniece and Dave Wilkins.)

My home is a mess. a big mess. Not that I’m complaining. It proves I don’t have OCD. Hopefully it doesn’t look like I’m a hoarder… no shame in that.

lite lite lit li t

18 Large Eggs

Profile of a shopping cartThursday was pretty cool. Really cool actually. I was really comfortable with myself and felt like a (passably) normal person. I wasn’t feeling awkward or a fish out of water and am really grateful for that!

I went to Toastmasters. (Anthony Wayne Toastmasters Club 521 founded in 1947) One of the prominent members and his wife were unable to come. There were four of us there and we visited for about a half hour since we didn’t have any speakers. We saw projects that Leon made that were really awesome… elegant wooden steering wheels that had clocks in the center. He said that he’d given many of them to friends. He also described how he made them.

We got on the subject of 3-D printers. Leon did a better job of explaining them than I could. He had been a member at the makerspace TekVenture in Fort Wayne in the past and so had I. We made an expedition across town to see the facility. We got a really nice tour.

Tekventure was pretty cool. On the stage, some were practicing a play. I saw a lot of people working in the ceramics section of the workshop. I also learned a little about CNC milling machines. My guide explained that experience with a manual milling machine is a helpful background before one starts making CNC programs. I got a liability release form and indicated that I wanted to join. I need to pick the right day to pay online so that I have something to do right away.

After leaving TekVenture, I went to Kroger to buy some groceries. I was looking at the Jumbo, Extra Large and Medium eggs to compare prices and decide which would be right to buy. (I chose the medium. They were 30% cheaper than the jumbo.)

While I was there, a woman came next to me and was looking at a coupon for large eggs. I tried to help her and noticed on the coupon that it said 18 large eggs. I had only wanted 12, so I didn’t look for the 18s. She hadn’t noticed the 18 count citation on the coupon. Once I showed which she needed, she picked the package that she wanted and went to the rest of the store. She apologized for bothering me, but I said it was ok.

I was having trouble finding nail polish remover. I asked a woman at the pharmacy and she went out and was very helpful too. Overall, it was one of the most pleasant shopping experiences. (Actually the whole day was pleasant, so it was a nice way for it to wind down.)

Then, on my way to the checkout, I realized that I had left _my_ coupons behind in the car. I spoke to one of the cashiers and she commented that she had her eyes on my cart. I got the coupons and came back. I thought of a couple more things to buy and went back to the same cashier’s line.

The woman I helped earlier was immediately in front of me and before her was a very tall man. I wasn’t listening to their conversation real closely, but I did learn that he was 6′ 9″, had played basketball in college and was looking to become a basketball coach.

The woman wasn’t sure about whether her coupons matched what she had bought, but they did. Her balance was $0.00. It took the cashier a minute to figure out how to cash out a $0.00 balance, but she must have been experienced and figured it out.

The cashier, woman and I talked briefly. We were laughing and I learned a little about her late husband and mother. I was smiling all the way to my car. I did not have as good of coupons as the awesome woman who I saw near the eggs.

An Honest Smile

It’s easy for me to look at myself and find one way or another that I’m off kilter. My latest “trick” happens when I try to jump in with someone who monopolizes conversations. Basically I stutter the first word I want to say. I don’t think it’s a “real” stutter–it never happens anywhere else. Really, I’m just getting to practice jumping in so I can get better.

I have this horrible solitaire head game that I play. “What’s wrong with Bill?” It try to identify a disease label for any of my personality features, feelings or quirks. If there’s more than one label, all the better. Uck! Why do I put myself through that?

I’ve started a new game: “What’s right with Bill?” Kind of an opposite-to-emotion action to weaken that negative game.

One what’s right with Bill is that I have an honest smile. When I see someone, I smile broadly and am not faking it. It’s rarely wrong to smile at someone. I like to see people in the grocery store smile back at me. It’s almost a reflex for people to smile back.

I love to laugh. Having a momentary silent conversation with someone as we smile at each other is wonderful.

Smile! It will make you feel a tiny bit better.

Rain, snow, snow, rain

We’ve had a roller coaster of weather the past few days.

Lots of rain and some more snow on the way. Yesterday was in the 60s which a friend commented “in July, this is going to feel cold.”

Some people think that the cycling of the weather can have a lot of subtle effects on mood, joint pain, and other things. I’m not sure.

I’ll be glad when I can plant the garden again. I might make it really big with the intent of donating a lot of food. Last year I was overwhelmed with tomatoes and let a bunch go to waste. If I had realized that I could have donated it to some community organizations, I would have done a better job of keeping up.

Valentine’s Day and the Romantic Delusion

A pink heartHappy Valentine’s Day!

Today is the day that the romantic delusion is the strongest. People have expectations for themselves and their relationships that, more often than not, only cause heartbreak and self-destructive obsessions.

The romantic ideal of modern culture is fixated on the idea that there is _one_special_person_ that can meet all my needs. I’ll have a best friend, lover, confidant and booster that can also meet a raft of other expectations. It’s an ideal of that perfect someone, yet perfection is an inherently unrealistic illusion.

Why is the romantic ideal so strong and persistent? It’s supported by strong feelings and emotions at the start of a relationship. One can see so may possibilities and a happily-ever-after together. Her heart skips a beat when she sees the other. He understands me before I even speak.

Hollywood as has no problem bringing the idea to life with dozens of romantic plots. Cinderella meets the perfect Prince. Snow White gets loves first kiss. Lady starts a family with the Tramp. Shrek marries Fiona and carries her across the threshold of the honeymoon cottage. In return she hurls a mermaid interloper back into the sea.

Popular culture also helps make the concept seem so real. Look at the names of several genres of entertainment… Romance novels, romantic comedies, news reports of a celebrity romance between, say, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. A story about four siblings who together have 225 years of marriage to their respective spouses won’t make a compelling film and is barely plausible.

From one point of view, the passion of a new love is mutual yet selfish. _I_ feel so fulfilled with her. _I_ know that he is going to be the perfect partner. Even though the feeling is mutual, it’s about subjective pleasure. The romantic feeling is reinforced by each others experience of a passionate connection, but it is still about how the self feels. _I_ feel _in_love_ and you’ll be able to help me keep that energy (probably, though, only until enough bumps happen along the road.)

Valentine’s Day is the commercial culmination of the delusion. Buy her roses. Give him the ring that to signifies forever. Let your high school sweetheart know they are their true love with a Hallmark card. Impetuously propose on a trip to Cancun.

What is the true cost of the scripts that prescribe a romantic life for everyone?